1 00:00:07,700 --> 00:00:10,910 ♪♪ 2 00:00:13,540 --> 00:00:15,370 Well, when I'm old, I'll always have these 3 00:00:15,370 --> 00:00:18,620 silent lunches to look back on. 4 00:00:18,620 --> 00:00:22,200 So, before I go over and help Aunt Jackie and Becky 5 00:00:22,200 --> 00:00:24,780 with the baby shower, um... 6 00:00:24,780 --> 00:00:26,780 I'll just do that. 7 00:00:26,780 --> 00:00:31,870 I wanted to tell you guys that, um, I've been seeing someone. 8 00:00:31,870 --> 00:00:33,700 Yeah, we already figured that out 9 00:00:33,700 --> 00:00:35,990 because of all the recent neglect and everything. 10 00:00:37,370 --> 00:00:38,740 Oh, yeah, that's my bad. 11 00:00:38,740 --> 00:00:41,490 I've always tried to maintain a steady level of neglect. 12 00:00:42,870 --> 00:00:45,450 But I haven't brought anybody home until now 13 00:00:45,450 --> 00:00:47,870 because I didn't want you to meet anyone 14 00:00:47,870 --> 00:00:49,160 unless it was serious. 15 00:00:49,160 --> 00:00:51,370 Oh, so there were other guys 16 00:00:51,370 --> 00:00:52,990 that you weren't serious about 17 00:00:52,990 --> 00:00:56,120 that you were sleeping with and we didn't know? 18 00:00:57,330 --> 00:00:59,740 No, besides Ben, 19 00:00:59,740 --> 00:01:02,370 I am proud to say that I haven't slept with anyone 20 00:01:02,370 --> 00:01:04,740 except your dad and one other man. 21 00:01:04,740 --> 00:01:05,870 What about Neil? 22 00:01:05,870 --> 00:01:08,540 Oh, and one more, yeah. 23 00:01:08,540 --> 00:01:10,410 Um...wait, how did you know about Neil? 24 00:01:10,410 --> 00:01:12,200 He's called a couple times on the landline 25 00:01:12,200 --> 00:01:14,620 crying about how you broke up with him. 26 00:01:14,620 --> 00:01:17,200 I told him you were nothing special and he should move on. 27 00:01:17,200 --> 00:01:20,620 Oh. Hurtful, but helpful. 28 00:01:20,620 --> 00:01:26,040 Um, so Ben is coming to dinner tomorrow night, 29 00:01:26,040 --> 00:01:28,160 and I just want you guys to be cool. 30 00:01:28,160 --> 00:01:30,330 Ben will never be my daddy. Never. 31 00:01:33,200 --> 00:01:35,040 Is all the sex worth this? 32 00:01:35,040 --> 00:01:36,990 [ Laughs ] Psych! 33 00:01:36,990 --> 00:01:38,040 Ha! 34 00:01:38,040 --> 00:01:39,870 Nice. 35 00:01:39,870 --> 00:01:42,240 Uh...there's enough money for one of you to go to college. 36 00:01:42,240 --> 00:01:44,490 Fight it out. 37 00:01:44,490 --> 00:01:46,870 It's about time you came over. 38 00:01:46,870 --> 00:01:49,080 Jackie wants a DJ for the baby shower, 39 00:01:49,080 --> 00:01:50,700 and I think I should have a live band. 40 00:01:50,700 --> 00:01:51,660 What do you think? 41 00:01:51,660 --> 00:01:54,080 I think my baby shower 42 00:01:54,080 --> 00:01:56,240 was a cake and a card that said "Get Well Soon," 43 00:01:56,240 --> 00:01:57,660 so quit your bitchin'. 44 00:01:57,660 --> 00:02:00,080 All right, moving on. We got to hurry up here. 45 00:02:00,080 --> 00:02:01,780 It's only a week till the shower. 46 00:02:01,780 --> 00:02:04,200 What's the big hurry? She's not even showing yet. 47 00:02:04,200 --> 00:02:08,490 I got to get the loot now. This is a geriatric pregnancy. 48 00:02:09,580 --> 00:02:11,740 If I even walk fast, I could knock it loose. 49 00:02:11,740 --> 00:02:13,580 It's not a tooth. 50 00:02:13,580 --> 00:02:15,240 It doesn't come out if you bite into an apple. 51 00:02:16,330 --> 00:02:19,160 Hola, Emilio. Can I get a water? 52 00:02:19,160 --> 00:02:21,370 And I'll have an horchata with rum. 53 00:02:21,370 --> 00:02:23,990 Una agua y uno "Cuban Missile Crisis." 54 00:02:25,700 --> 00:02:27,620 Te escucha hablar sobre el baby shower. 55 00:02:27,620 --> 00:02:29,450 No, no, English, Emilio. 56 00:02:29,450 --> 00:02:31,040 We've been working hard. Let's hear it. 57 00:02:31,040 --> 00:02:33,240 I'm sorry, Professor Jackie. 58 00:02:34,830 --> 00:02:37,450 I would like to go to my baby shower, 59 00:02:37,450 --> 00:02:39,580 but I think Becky is not wanting me there. 60 00:02:39,580 --> 00:02:41,330 Oh, well, that's 'cause she doesn't know 61 00:02:41,330 --> 00:02:42,330 what a good man you are. 62 00:02:42,330 --> 00:02:44,370 You just come and bring a nice gift. 63 00:02:44,370 --> 00:02:48,280 Something that says, "Lighten up. Half that baby's mine." 64 00:02:48,280 --> 00:02:51,540 -Hi, guys. -Hey, Blue. 65 00:02:51,540 --> 00:02:54,950 I love this hair. What the hell is Blue doing here? 66 00:02:54,950 --> 00:02:57,950 That's Blue? She's attractive. 67 00:02:57,950 --> 00:02:59,620 I guess David doesn't have a type. 68 00:03:01,200 --> 00:03:03,780 Hey, Darlene. 69 00:03:03,780 --> 00:03:05,660 Hey, Blue. 70 00:03:05,660 --> 00:03:08,950 Um, this is my sister Becky and my aunt Jackie. 71 00:03:08,950 --> 00:03:10,580 Uh, what you doing here? 72 00:03:10,580 --> 00:03:12,990 Well, I heard about your sister's shower, 73 00:03:12,990 --> 00:03:14,620 and I just wanted to say 74 00:03:14,620 --> 00:03:17,200 that I'm part of a women's blessing-way group 75 00:03:17,200 --> 00:03:20,780 where we perform ceremonies that pamper mothers-to-be. 76 00:03:20,780 --> 00:03:22,080 And we would love to come. 77 00:03:22,080 --> 00:03:24,490 Oh, darn, too late. 78 00:03:24,490 --> 00:03:26,120 We already locked down the theme, 79 00:03:26,120 --> 00:03:27,910 which is teddy bears and teacups. 80 00:03:27,910 --> 00:03:30,700 And the shower color is SpongeBob yellow. 81 00:03:30,700 --> 00:03:32,990 So there's nothing left to do. 82 00:03:32,990 --> 00:03:36,370 Yeah, a-and it's just gonna be Becky's friends and family. 83 00:03:36,370 --> 00:03:38,540 Very small group. People who have been invited. 84 00:03:38,540 --> 00:03:39,580 You understand. 85 00:03:39,580 --> 00:03:42,910 Hold on. Do these people bring gifts? 86 00:03:42,910 --> 00:03:45,740 Of course. Store-bought gifts? 87 00:03:45,740 --> 00:03:48,540 Or just a rock with the word "Peace" painted on it? 88 00:03:48,540 --> 00:03:52,410 Store-bought, with gift receipts so you can get the cash. 89 00:03:54,830 --> 00:03:56,990 Move over, Darlene. 90 00:03:56,990 --> 00:03:59,410 Move! 91 00:04:02,410 --> 00:04:12,450 ♪♪ 92 00:04:12,490 --> 00:04:22,450 ♪♪ 93 00:04:22,490 --> 00:04:32,490 ♪♪ 94 00:04:32,490 --> 00:04:34,370 ♪♪ 95 00:04:36,040 --> 00:04:37,160 "The Conners" is recorded 96 00:04:37,160 --> 00:04:39,200 in front of a live studio audience. 97 00:04:39,200 --> 00:04:42,240 Ben is nothing short of a visionary. 98 00:04:42,240 --> 00:04:43,620 I mean, publishing an indie tabloid 99 00:04:43,620 --> 00:04:45,620 like Lock 'Em Up in King County, 100 00:04:45,620 --> 00:04:47,620 a financially long-suffering community 101 00:04:47,620 --> 00:04:49,410 that loves to see others fail? 102 00:04:49,410 --> 00:04:51,660 Please. 103 00:04:51,660 --> 00:04:54,660 What I like to see is some hot-shot from the mayor's office 104 00:04:54,660 --> 00:04:56,990 get caught doing something sketchy in the park. 105 00:04:56,990 --> 00:04:59,040 Oh, yeah, yeah. 106 00:04:59,040 --> 00:05:01,990 Back when I was on the force, I'd be the bait. 107 00:05:01,990 --> 00:05:04,040 Um... 108 00:05:05,280 --> 00:05:09,870 But my -- my biggest collar was Kit and Kat... 109 00:05:11,200 --> 00:05:13,990 ...Lanford's legendary married real-estate team. 110 00:05:13,990 --> 00:05:15,990 They'd do anything to sell you a house. 111 00:05:15,990 --> 00:05:18,160 They'd also do anything to get some strange 112 00:05:18,160 --> 00:05:21,160 to spice up their sick marriage. 113 00:05:21,160 --> 00:05:23,370 Aunt Jackie, they're kids. 114 00:05:23,370 --> 00:05:25,870 I left out that they were murdered in prison. 115 00:05:25,870 --> 00:05:28,490 Um, I got to go meet Peter, 116 00:05:28,490 --> 00:05:30,740 but it was very nice meeting you, Ben. 117 00:05:30,740 --> 00:05:32,990 Yes. 118 00:05:36,280 --> 00:05:37,540 [ Door opens, closes ] 119 00:05:37,540 --> 00:05:38,910 You got a crazy aunt in your family? 120 00:05:38,910 --> 00:05:40,700 [ Chuckles ] Well, I was gonna say, "Yeah." 121 00:05:40,700 --> 00:05:43,580 But now that I saw that, I'm just gonna call her my aunt. 122 00:05:43,580 --> 00:05:46,200 [ Laughs ] 123 00:05:46,200 --> 00:05:49,580 Uh, just so you know, we're not always this fun and exciting. 124 00:05:49,580 --> 00:05:51,410 Kids, tell him about your day. 125 00:05:51,410 --> 00:05:54,410 Well, my music teacher said that I have perfect pitch 126 00:05:54,410 --> 00:05:55,990 and, if I learn to play an instrument, 127 00:05:55,990 --> 00:05:57,540 she'll put me in the school orchestra next year. 128 00:05:57,540 --> 00:05:58,540 Oh. 129 00:05:58,540 --> 00:05:59,910 Can I learn piano? 130 00:05:59,910 --> 00:06:02,370 Piano lessons cost a lot of money. 131 00:06:02,370 --> 00:06:04,740 But hey, nobody's using that harmonica 132 00:06:04,740 --> 00:06:06,280 we found on the bus. [ Tab pops ] 133 00:06:06,280 --> 00:06:08,990 On the bus? 134 00:06:08,990 --> 00:06:10,700 I thought it tasted like tobacco. 135 00:06:12,620 --> 00:06:14,410 Well, Ben, don't you play piano? 136 00:06:14,410 --> 00:06:17,990 I do, and I have a portable keyboard. 137 00:06:17,990 --> 00:06:20,080 I'd be happy to come over and teach Mark. 138 00:06:20,080 --> 00:06:22,080 No charge, but you got to be willing 139 00:06:22,080 --> 00:06:24,240 to work hard and practice. 140 00:06:24,240 --> 00:06:26,620 Absolutely. Is it okay with you, Mom? 141 00:06:26,620 --> 00:06:28,120 Sure. I mean, normally, 142 00:06:28,120 --> 00:06:30,120 I'd be uncomfortable with somebody doing this for free, 143 00:06:30,120 --> 00:06:32,080 but my boss doesn't pay me squat, so thank you. 144 00:06:32,080 --> 00:06:33,280 [ Laughs ] 145 00:06:33,280 --> 00:06:36,490 ♪♪ 146 00:06:36,490 --> 00:06:39,120 So? What did you think of Ben? 147 00:06:39,120 --> 00:06:40,490 He's got a great job, 148 00:06:40,490 --> 00:06:42,950 a sense of humor, one hell of a beard, 149 00:06:42,950 --> 00:06:44,950 and the kids seem to like him. 150 00:06:44,950 --> 00:06:48,370 But I guess you'll know more after the piano lesson, huh? 151 00:06:49,080 --> 00:06:50,370 What are you talking about? 152 00:06:50,370 --> 00:06:52,540 I think an opportunity to test him 153 00:06:52,540 --> 00:06:55,080 fell right in your lap and you're taking it. 154 00:06:55,080 --> 00:06:58,450 No, I'm just gonna watch how Ben and Mark interact, 155 00:06:58,450 --> 00:07:00,700 and then act accordingly based on the result. 156 00:07:00,700 --> 00:07:02,450 So if you want to call that a test, well, okay, 157 00:07:02,450 --> 00:07:04,780 'cause that's exactly what it is. 158 00:07:04,780 --> 00:07:07,660 I-I know you want to see what kind of a stepdad he might be, 159 00:07:07,660 --> 00:07:09,280 but why don't you just tell him that 160 00:07:09,280 --> 00:07:11,160 instead of treating him like a lab rat? 161 00:07:11,160 --> 00:07:13,200 Because then he'll just treat the kids nicely. 162 00:07:14,950 --> 00:07:17,740 Nobody wants that. 163 00:07:17,740 --> 00:07:19,160 ♪♪ 164 00:07:24,490 --> 00:07:27,120 This isn't a real baby shower. 165 00:07:27,120 --> 00:07:29,540 We should be microwaving candy bars into diapers 166 00:07:29,540 --> 00:07:32,040 so people can sniff 'em and guess what's inside. 167 00:07:32,040 --> 00:07:33,330 I've had enough of this. 168 00:07:33,330 --> 00:07:36,490 Okay, ladies, it is time to play a super-fun, 169 00:07:36,490 --> 00:07:39,910 more-traditional baby-shower game called... 170 00:07:39,910 --> 00:07:41,950 "Tinkle in the Pot"! 171 00:07:41,950 --> 00:07:45,160 We'll get it going like this. Here's my nickel. 172 00:07:45,160 --> 00:07:49,160 And we got to get to the pot. 173 00:07:49,160 --> 00:07:51,410 How much fun is that? [ Applause ] 174 00:07:51,410 --> 00:07:52,740 Who's next? 175 00:07:52,740 --> 00:07:55,580 Or we could empower Becky 176 00:07:55,580 --> 00:07:58,740 by sharing beautiful birth experiences. 177 00:07:58,740 --> 00:08:00,120 Darlene? 178 00:08:00,120 --> 00:08:02,370 Oh. Sure. 179 00:08:02,370 --> 00:08:04,910 Um...well, they knocked me out, 180 00:08:04,910 --> 00:08:07,580 and I woke up with a kid and a 12-inch scar. 181 00:08:07,580 --> 00:08:10,910 And then, the crazy thing is, five years later I did it again. 182 00:08:10,910 --> 00:08:13,120 You're lucky, Darlene. 183 00:08:13,120 --> 00:08:15,330 Some women never get to experience 184 00:08:15,330 --> 00:08:16,830 the gift of having a child, 185 00:08:16,830 --> 00:08:20,450 because they have partners who already have kids 186 00:08:20,450 --> 00:08:24,330 and refuse [voice breaking] to consider having more. 187 00:08:24,330 --> 00:08:26,330 Sorry. [ Sniffles ] 188 00:08:26,330 --> 00:08:27,660 [ Whimpers ] 189 00:08:30,990 --> 00:08:32,870 That's strange. 190 00:08:32,870 --> 00:08:36,990 I thought it was gonna be really noisy when I took these off. 191 00:08:36,990 --> 00:08:39,780 [ Blue sniffles, sighs ] 192 00:08:39,780 --> 00:08:41,580 You okay? 193 00:08:41,580 --> 00:08:44,370 David doesn't want to have any more children. 194 00:08:44,370 --> 00:08:46,780 And I'm pretty sure it's because 195 00:08:46,780 --> 00:08:51,410 he thinks you'll be mad if he raises another family with me. 196 00:08:51,410 --> 00:08:54,120 Can you just tell him you're okay with it? 197 00:08:54,120 --> 00:08:56,540 [ Scoffs ] Wait, you want me to tell David 198 00:08:56,540 --> 00:08:59,080 to have another set of kids that'll take more attention 199 00:08:59,080 --> 00:09:00,410 away from my kids? 200 00:09:00,410 --> 00:09:03,990 That would be great, thank you. 201 00:09:03,990 --> 00:09:07,200 You know there's no way I'm gonna do that. 202 00:09:07,200 --> 00:09:11,280 I took the bus here. Can you give me a ride home? 203 00:09:11,280 --> 00:09:14,160 Uh, buses don't go both ways? 204 00:09:15,870 --> 00:09:17,700 All right. 205 00:09:17,700 --> 00:09:19,280 [ Indistinct shouting ] 206 00:09:19,280 --> 00:09:20,870 [ Cheering ] 207 00:09:20,870 --> 00:09:22,080 Geena, you're up. 208 00:09:22,080 --> 00:09:23,580 No, let me think. 209 00:09:23,580 --> 00:09:25,950 Do I really want to humiliate myself 210 00:09:25,950 --> 00:09:28,540 for the chance to win a Bath and Body Works 211 00:09:28,540 --> 00:09:29,990 country-apple shower gel? 212 00:09:30,990 --> 00:09:32,580 Hell yeah, I will. [ Laughs ] 213 00:09:34,450 --> 00:09:37,620 Hey, everybody, the strippers are here! 214 00:09:37,620 --> 00:09:39,200 [ Cheering ] 215 00:09:39,200 --> 00:09:41,660 Jackie: Hey, it's Emilio. 216 00:09:41,660 --> 00:09:45,410 I hope you don't mind, but he just really wanted to be here. 217 00:09:45,410 --> 00:09:48,200 I made this for the baby. [ Gasps ] 218 00:09:48,200 --> 00:09:50,830 My papá made me one just like this 219 00:09:50,830 --> 00:09:54,120 when I was little, with wood from a very, very old tree. 220 00:09:54,120 --> 00:09:56,910 Uh, this wood comes from Lowe's. 221 00:09:56,910 --> 00:09:59,620 Lowe's. That's good wood. 222 00:10:01,120 --> 00:10:03,660 Thank you, Emilio. I appreciate it. 223 00:10:05,080 --> 00:10:08,620 So...I guess I'll see you at work tomorrow. 224 00:10:08,620 --> 00:10:12,870 Oh. Uh...okay. 225 00:10:12,870 --> 00:10:15,490 E-Enjoy your party. 226 00:10:18,200 --> 00:10:19,870 Can I talk to you for a second? 227 00:10:19,870 --> 00:10:21,120 I can't believe you just did that. 228 00:10:21,120 --> 00:10:22,910 I can't believe you invited him. 229 00:10:22,910 --> 00:10:24,870 You knew I didn't want him involved. 230 00:10:24,870 --> 00:10:27,450 Uh, well, I'm sorry, but he's the father and he's a great guy. 231 00:10:27,450 --> 00:10:29,080 Wait a minute. That's the baby's father? 232 00:10:29,080 --> 00:10:31,490 We are not talking about this, Dad. 233 00:10:31,490 --> 00:10:32,660 [ Exhales sharply ] Thanks a lot. 234 00:10:32,660 --> 00:10:34,490 Mm. 235 00:10:34,490 --> 00:10:36,660 Hey, I've seen him in here before. 236 00:10:36,660 --> 00:10:38,450 He's the busboy, right? Yeah. 237 00:10:38,450 --> 00:10:39,660 What do you know about him? 238 00:10:39,660 --> 00:10:41,240 Well, I know that he's hardworking, 239 00:10:41,240 --> 00:10:42,910 he's a devout Catholic, 240 00:10:42,910 --> 00:10:46,040 and he's offered to give Becky what little money that he has. 241 00:10:46,040 --> 00:10:47,450 Is he here illegally? 242 00:10:47,450 --> 00:10:50,580 Well, who cares if he's illegal? Who cares if he's a busboy? 243 00:10:50,580 --> 00:10:52,410 A lot of people with difficult beginnings 244 00:10:52,410 --> 00:10:55,040 have risen above their station in life, Dan. 245 00:10:55,040 --> 00:10:56,660 I mean, nobody in our family, 246 00:10:56,660 --> 00:10:58,830 but I've read about it, and it's pretty inspirational 247 00:10:58,830 --> 00:10:59,700 when it happens! 248 00:11:02,870 --> 00:11:05,240 All right, come on. Let's hear your D-major scale. 249 00:11:05,240 --> 00:11:07,370 [ Plays choppy scale ] 250 00:11:10,580 --> 00:11:13,200 Uh, did you practice that at all? 251 00:11:13,200 --> 00:11:16,200 A little, but I got bored. I wanted to learn a song. 252 00:11:16,200 --> 00:11:18,780 Come on, Mark. Now, this is two weeks in a row 253 00:11:18,780 --> 00:11:20,990 I have asked you to learn your scales. 254 00:11:20,990 --> 00:11:23,780 If I wanted you to do songs, I would have said do songs. 255 00:11:23,780 --> 00:11:25,330 Now let me hear the scale again. 256 00:11:25,330 --> 00:11:26,950 Okay, I think I can do better. 257 00:11:26,950 --> 00:11:28,120 [ Clears throat ] 258 00:11:28,120 --> 00:11:30,160 [ Plays choppy scale ] 259 00:11:33,950 --> 00:11:36,780 Mm-hmm. Not better. 260 00:11:36,780 --> 00:11:38,240 Okay, but can you do this? 261 00:11:38,240 --> 00:11:40,280 [ Plays "The Knuckle Song" ] 262 00:11:42,450 --> 00:11:44,240 Stop. 263 00:11:44,240 --> 00:11:47,490 Look, when I said I'd do this, 264 00:11:47,490 --> 00:11:49,870 you promised you'd work hard and practice, 265 00:11:49,870 --> 00:11:51,370 and you haven't done either. 266 00:11:51,370 --> 00:11:53,330 Now, you said you wanted to be in the school orchestra. 267 00:11:53,330 --> 00:11:55,040 Well, do you or don't you? I do. 268 00:11:55,040 --> 00:11:56,490 Well, I can't tell. 269 00:11:56,490 --> 00:11:59,120 So if you are really serious about this, 270 00:11:59,120 --> 00:12:01,450 start acting like it, because if you don't take it serious, 271 00:12:01,450 --> 00:12:02,950 you're never gonna make it. 272 00:12:02,950 --> 00:12:04,780 [ Horn honks ] 273 00:12:04,780 --> 00:12:06,410 [ Voice breaking ] Enrique's mom is early. 274 00:12:06,410 --> 00:12:08,490 I have to go to soccer practice. [ Sighs ] 275 00:12:08,490 --> 00:12:10,040 Do you want me to tell her I'm sick? 276 00:12:10,040 --> 00:12:11,580 No, go to practice. 277 00:12:11,580 --> 00:12:13,620 Today was a waste of time for both of us. 278 00:12:13,620 --> 00:12:14,780 [ Sniffles ] 279 00:12:14,780 --> 00:12:16,490 You okay, honey? 280 00:12:16,490 --> 00:12:18,160 You have everything you need for soccer practice? 281 00:12:18,160 --> 00:12:20,200 I'm fine. I got to go. 282 00:12:23,780 --> 00:12:25,450 Ugh. 283 00:12:29,540 --> 00:12:30,540 W-What were you doing? 284 00:12:30,540 --> 00:12:32,240 You were way too hard on him. 285 00:12:32,240 --> 00:12:34,450 Wait. [ Imitates blades whirring ] 286 00:12:34,450 --> 00:12:38,240 Do I hear the faint whir of a helicopter circling your child? 287 00:12:39,620 --> 00:12:43,450 I am not being overprotective. You made my son cry. 288 00:12:43,450 --> 00:12:45,700 I am sorry that he cried, 289 00:12:45,700 --> 00:12:47,450 but he needed to hear that he screwed up. 290 00:12:47,450 --> 00:12:48,830 How else does a kid learn? 291 00:12:48,830 --> 00:12:50,040 Oh, I don't know. 292 00:12:50,040 --> 00:12:52,370 Uh, encouragement, positive role models. 293 00:12:52,370 --> 00:12:54,200 Cash, if you're tired. 294 00:12:55,370 --> 00:12:56,830 Mark's a sensitive kid. 295 00:12:56,830 --> 00:12:58,780 He responds better to being rewarded. [ Sighs ] 296 00:12:58,780 --> 00:13:01,410 Yeah, well, the problem with rewarding everything 297 00:13:01,410 --> 00:13:03,200 is it's the same as rewarding nothing. 298 00:13:03,200 --> 00:13:05,910 You want me to give him a trophy for playing "The Knuckle Song"? 299 00:13:05,910 --> 00:13:09,540 Uh, no, but I didn't expect you to be the "Whiplash" guy. 300 00:13:09,540 --> 00:13:11,950 Look, coddling Mark 301 00:13:11,950 --> 00:13:14,240 is not gonna prepare him for the real world. 302 00:13:14,240 --> 00:13:16,660 I think I'm preparing him just fine. How? 303 00:13:16,660 --> 00:13:18,240 By teaching him that he can half-ass things 304 00:13:18,240 --> 00:13:19,830 and still succeed in life? 305 00:13:19,830 --> 00:13:23,040 Hey, Mark is not a half-asser! That's Harris! 306 00:13:24,280 --> 00:13:27,040 And you know what? You're fired. 307 00:13:27,040 --> 00:13:30,700 [ Scoffs ] 308 00:13:30,700 --> 00:13:33,490 It's gonna take me 10 minutes to break all this stuff down. 309 00:13:33,490 --> 00:13:35,160 It might be a little awkward unless you help. 310 00:13:40,740 --> 00:13:41,950 That's another way to go. 311 00:13:47,910 --> 00:13:49,200 Emilio, right? 312 00:13:49,200 --> 00:13:53,240 Yes. And you're Becky's papá. 313 00:13:53,240 --> 00:13:55,450 Uh, she does not want me in the life of the baby 314 00:13:55,450 --> 00:13:58,540 and you are here to fight me and drive me away. 315 00:13:58,540 --> 00:14:00,330 I'm not here to fight. 316 00:14:00,330 --> 00:14:02,370 Oh, good, good. 317 00:14:02,370 --> 00:14:05,580 You have the face of a kind but violent man. 318 00:14:07,830 --> 00:14:10,780 Jackie tells me you want to help with the baby. 319 00:14:10,780 --> 00:14:12,040 Yes. 320 00:14:12,040 --> 00:14:13,910 What kind of work can you do? 321 00:14:13,910 --> 00:14:17,040 Oh, I-I can build cars, make furniture, 322 00:14:17,040 --> 00:14:19,490 work in a factory. 323 00:14:19,490 --> 00:14:21,490 Sadly, all those jobs went to Mexico. 324 00:14:21,490 --> 00:14:23,910 You ever hang drywall? 325 00:14:23,910 --> 00:14:27,280 Of course. Any estúpido could hang drywall. 326 00:14:28,620 --> 00:14:32,410 Well, that's about as good as an interview gets. 327 00:14:32,410 --> 00:14:35,280 How would you like a second job hanging drywall for me? 328 00:14:35,280 --> 00:14:36,950 Really? Yes. 329 00:14:36,950 --> 00:14:39,410 I...I accept. 330 00:14:39,410 --> 00:14:44,200 Oh, and also, por favor, uh, my speaking is not so good. 331 00:14:44,200 --> 00:14:47,740 In Spanish, "estúpido" means "a smart and respected man." 332 00:14:49,040 --> 00:14:53,040 Look, I got to be honest with you. 333 00:14:53,040 --> 00:14:54,830 I don't like the way you got here. 334 00:14:54,830 --> 00:14:56,330 You broke the law 335 00:14:56,330 --> 00:14:59,490 and you could be putting me in a bad situation, 336 00:14:59,490 --> 00:15:03,490 but I want to help my daughter, so I have to help you. 337 00:15:03,490 --> 00:15:05,370 I understand. 338 00:15:05,370 --> 00:15:06,740 I expect you to give a good portion 339 00:15:06,740 --> 00:15:09,200 out of your paycheck to Becky and the baby. 340 00:15:09,200 --> 00:15:11,410 Yes, yes, of course. 341 00:15:11,410 --> 00:15:14,040 Okay. [ Muttering ] 342 00:15:14,040 --> 00:15:16,660 Here's the address. 343 00:15:16,660 --> 00:15:19,410 And I will see you tomorrow morning at 6:00 a.m. 344 00:15:19,410 --> 00:15:21,620 I will be there. Okay. 345 00:15:22,700 --> 00:15:24,120 Oh, and for the record, 346 00:15:24,120 --> 00:15:27,490 if we were gonna fight, I'd mop the floor with you. 347 00:15:29,620 --> 00:15:31,580 [ Piano notes playing ] 348 00:15:31,580 --> 00:15:33,410 Hey. 349 00:15:33,410 --> 00:15:34,990 How was soccer practice? 350 00:15:34,990 --> 00:15:36,870 Okay. 351 00:15:36,870 --> 00:15:39,410 Listen, um... 352 00:15:39,410 --> 00:15:42,240 I know what happened with Ben this afternoon, 353 00:15:42,240 --> 00:15:44,200 and I don't want you to worry. 354 00:15:44,200 --> 00:15:46,120 I canceled the piano lessons. 355 00:15:46,120 --> 00:15:48,740 What? Why would you do that? Huh? 356 00:15:48,740 --> 00:15:52,080 I had a "You're welcome" all loaded up and ready to go. 357 00:15:52,080 --> 00:15:53,870 I don't want to stop the lessons. 358 00:15:53,870 --> 00:15:55,240 Call Ben and get him back. 359 00:15:55,240 --> 00:15:56,830 But he made you cry. 360 00:15:56,830 --> 00:15:58,410 No, he didn't. 361 00:15:58,410 --> 00:16:00,660 I cried because I was mad at myself. 362 00:16:00,660 --> 00:16:02,450 He's trying to help me get into the orchestra 363 00:16:02,450 --> 00:16:04,490 and I didn't practice my scales. 364 00:16:04,490 --> 00:16:05,830 Yeah, but you taught yourself a song. 365 00:16:05,830 --> 00:16:07,490 That's pretty great. 366 00:16:07,490 --> 00:16:09,160 You think everything I do is great. 367 00:16:09,160 --> 00:16:11,410 So when you say it, it doesn't mean anything. 368 00:16:12,700 --> 00:16:14,450 Oh, well, if you'll remember that for Mother's Day, 369 00:16:14,450 --> 00:16:17,120 I'd like to see that in glitter. 370 00:16:17,120 --> 00:16:18,370 You got to call him back. 371 00:16:18,370 --> 00:16:22,540 Um, how about you call him 372 00:16:22,540 --> 00:16:24,540 and tell him you want to continue the lessons 373 00:16:24,540 --> 00:16:26,410 even though your mom was mostly right 374 00:16:26,410 --> 00:16:28,740 and made a lot of intelligent points? 375 00:16:28,740 --> 00:16:31,580 Do the hard work, Mom. It's the only way you learn. 376 00:16:31,580 --> 00:16:35,780 Uh, you say I'm never critical? That was lame. 377 00:16:38,660 --> 00:16:40,490 That's a lie. It was very insightful. 378 00:16:40,490 --> 00:16:42,660 It was great, like everything you do. 379 00:16:46,740 --> 00:16:48,990 Dan! 380 00:16:48,990 --> 00:16:49,990 Oh, what now? 381 00:16:49,990 --> 00:16:53,410 [ Laughs ] You big softy. 382 00:16:53,410 --> 00:16:55,620 I know you're taking a big risk with the union 383 00:16:55,620 --> 00:16:57,780 by hiring Emilio, but I just want to tell you 384 00:16:57,780 --> 00:17:00,740 I think that you're the best! 385 00:17:00,740 --> 00:17:02,370 When the microwave dings, 386 00:17:02,370 --> 00:17:05,160 that's not only my popcorn but the end of your time. 387 00:17:05,160 --> 00:17:07,080 You might want to pick up the pace. Okay. 388 00:17:07,080 --> 00:17:10,410 So, isn't Emilio wonderful? 389 00:17:10,410 --> 00:17:12,410 Of course, I was the first person to see that in him, 390 00:17:12,410 --> 00:17:13,580 but now, while you -- [ Microwave dings ] 391 00:17:13,580 --> 00:17:16,620 And that's all the time we have for today! 392 00:17:16,620 --> 00:17:19,160 Tune in tomorrow when Dan changes the locks. 393 00:17:21,040 --> 00:17:24,620 What is wrong with you people?! 394 00:17:24,620 --> 00:17:27,580 It's bad enough that Aunt Jackie invited Emilio to the party. 395 00:17:27,580 --> 00:17:29,450 Now you're giving him a job? 396 00:17:29,450 --> 00:17:32,040 I gave him a job so he could give you money, 397 00:17:32,040 --> 00:17:34,490 and...I see your point about Aunt Jackie. 398 00:17:34,490 --> 00:17:37,950 I told both of you to stop doing this. 399 00:17:37,950 --> 00:17:39,780 Why are you pushing him into my life? 400 00:17:39,780 --> 00:17:41,370 Because you're being stubborn and stupid. 401 00:17:41,370 --> 00:17:43,160 I'm sorry. I'm a life coach. 402 00:17:43,160 --> 00:17:48,910 You're being...overly rooted and intelligent adjacent. 403 00:17:48,910 --> 00:17:50,330 What is your problem? 404 00:17:50,330 --> 00:17:53,120 You know what my problem is? I've been doing fine. 405 00:17:53,120 --> 00:17:55,330 So why should I start depending on somebody 406 00:17:55,330 --> 00:17:56,620 who might not be here when I need him? 407 00:17:56,620 --> 00:17:58,200 Look, nobody knows the future. 408 00:17:58,200 --> 00:17:59,620 He could get deported tomorrow. 409 00:17:59,620 --> 00:18:01,040 He could be around for another 20 years. 410 00:18:01,040 --> 00:18:04,040 All I'm saying is, the guy is here now. 411 00:18:04,040 --> 00:18:06,580 And he's the real deal. Take the help. 412 00:18:06,580 --> 00:18:09,450 Of all the guys that have, you know, 413 00:18:09,450 --> 00:18:11,160 frolicked in your garden... 414 00:18:14,120 --> 00:18:15,700 ...you accidently met one 415 00:18:15,700 --> 00:18:19,700 who's willing to stand by and raise a flower with you. 416 00:18:22,660 --> 00:18:25,240 I'll think about it, okay? Thank you. 417 00:18:25,240 --> 00:18:27,830 And by the way, from what Mom told me, 418 00:18:27,830 --> 00:18:30,200 your garden didn't exactly have a fence around it. 419 00:18:31,540 --> 00:18:33,700 Oh! 420 00:18:33,700 --> 00:18:36,490 ♪♪ 421 00:18:36,490 --> 00:18:39,160 Um... 422 00:18:39,160 --> 00:18:41,540 Mark wants more piano lessons from you. 423 00:18:41,540 --> 00:18:42,910 I think that's all we need to say about that. 424 00:18:42,910 --> 00:18:43,910 Let's get to work. 425 00:18:43,910 --> 00:18:45,950 [ Laughing ] Oh, no. 426 00:18:45,950 --> 00:18:47,700 Oh, no, no, no, no. 427 00:18:47,700 --> 00:18:49,450 [ Chuckles ] 428 00:18:49,450 --> 00:18:52,490 Oh, there is so much more to say. 429 00:18:52,490 --> 00:18:54,870 I'm -- I'm interested in hearing how Mark 430 00:18:54,870 --> 00:18:56,660 was able to communicate his wishes to you 431 00:18:56,660 --> 00:18:59,330 through his uncontrollable sobbing. 432 00:18:59,330 --> 00:19:01,160 Um, okay, fine. 433 00:19:01,160 --> 00:19:03,330 So he's tougher than I thought he was. 434 00:19:03,330 --> 00:19:04,780 But you were way too mean. 435 00:19:04,780 --> 00:19:07,870 Mark's great, and I think he could 436 00:19:07,870 --> 00:19:10,280 really benefit from having somebody in his life 437 00:19:10,280 --> 00:19:12,780 that holds him a little bit more accountable than you do. 438 00:19:12,780 --> 00:19:14,620 Well, that's debatable. 439 00:19:14,620 --> 00:19:16,830 But either way, when push comes to shove, 440 00:19:16,830 --> 00:19:19,700 I have the final say because I'm his mother. 441 00:19:19,700 --> 00:19:21,580 Well, unless you're wrong. 442 00:19:21,580 --> 00:19:23,780 No, I'm pretty positive I'm the mother. 443 00:19:26,410 --> 00:19:29,540 The point is, I passed your little test, didn't I? 444 00:19:29,540 --> 00:19:31,950 Oh, I guess that code wasn't as hard to crack 445 00:19:31,950 --> 00:19:33,450 as I thought it was. [ Chuckles ] 446 00:19:33,450 --> 00:19:35,830 Well, good. [ Clears throat ] 447 00:19:35,830 --> 00:19:38,370 Because something big has come up. 448 00:19:38,370 --> 00:19:41,330 I got an investor that wants me to relocate 449 00:19:41,330 --> 00:19:43,410 Lock 'Em Up to Chicago. 450 00:19:43,410 --> 00:19:46,950 Oh, wow, that's like an hour from here. Mm-hmm. 451 00:19:46,950 --> 00:19:49,740 I mean, driving away from Lanford sounds really good, 452 00:19:49,740 --> 00:19:51,700 but the drive back's gonna be pretty depressing. 453 00:19:51,700 --> 00:19:54,160 Hmm. 454 00:19:54,160 --> 00:19:58,200 You know, I've got a way you could cut down on the commute. 455 00:19:58,200 --> 00:20:00,240 You and the kids could move in with me. 456 00:20:01,410 --> 00:20:04,040 Wait a second. Um.... 457 00:20:04,040 --> 00:20:06,040 I don't know if I heard you right. 458 00:20:06,040 --> 00:20:07,620 Are you asking me to move in with you? 459 00:20:07,620 --> 00:20:10,280 No, but it's a great idea. What do you say? 460 00:20:12,950 --> 00:20:14,740 I say that sounds amazing. 461 00:20:14,740 --> 00:20:16,990 Yeah. I know it's a lot. 462 00:20:16,990 --> 00:20:20,160 It's just that, even though we work together all day, 463 00:20:20,160 --> 00:20:22,950 it feels like I never have enough time with you. 464 00:20:22,950 --> 00:20:25,700 Yeah, I-I mean, I feel the same way. 465 00:20:29,700 --> 00:20:32,660 I-I've just got to talk to my family and my kids. Yes. 466 00:20:32,660 --> 00:20:34,490 Take your time, you know. 467 00:20:34,490 --> 00:20:38,120 But not too much time because, you know, at your age -- 468 00:20:38,120 --> 00:20:40,120 Careful. All right. 469 00:20:40,120 --> 00:20:42,490 Hang on. You didn't let me finish. 470 00:20:42,490 --> 00:20:45,490 All I was gonna say is, at your age, 471 00:20:45,490 --> 00:20:47,280 you don't have a lot of options. 472 00:20:47,280 --> 00:20:49,370 Now, are you ready to move in? 473 00:20:49,370 --> 00:20:51,780 I'm close. If you can just call me 474 00:20:51,780 --> 00:20:54,160 "plain" and "sturdy," I think that'll seal the deal. 475 00:20:54,160 --> 00:20:56,450 ♪♪ 476 00:21:00,330 --> 00:21:01,540 Look, I know I've been a little hard on you, 477 00:21:01,540 --> 00:21:03,370 and I'm sorry. 478 00:21:03,370 --> 00:21:05,580 I get that you want to be part of the baby's life, 479 00:21:05,580 --> 00:21:09,120 so...maybe we can start with tiny steps. 480 00:21:09,120 --> 00:21:12,370 Yes. This is very wonderful news. 481 00:21:12,370 --> 00:21:17,120 How about you give me your top-four baby names? 482 00:21:17,120 --> 00:21:19,410 Okay...if it's a girl, 483 00:21:19,410 --> 00:21:25,410 Maria...Esmeralda... Conchita...Esperanza. 484 00:21:26,830 --> 00:21:29,040 Okay. I'll consider those. 485 00:21:29,040 --> 00:21:30,740 No, that's just the first one.